Long Time No See, Friends

When Murphy’s Law steps in, there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and trying again.

So this semester has been an absolute trainwreck. I cannot overstate just how stressful and overwhelming everything had been up until a couple weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to dig my way out ever since. To make a long story short, I thought I could take on a lot more at once than I really could, and I suffered the consequences of…well, less of a “burnout” than a “total crash and burn.” I’ve likely failed many of my classes, or at least done rather poorly in them. I ended up taking a week off work just to have some breathing room. It was…less than ideal.

So, what do you do when you’ve set yourself up for failure? Sometimes you can get away with fighting against it, climbing out of the hole you’ve dug yourself through sheer force of will. But sometimes, you’ve spent so much of your strength and energy digging that hole that you lack the remaining mental strength to get out. There are times when sitting at the bottom of the hole and catching your breath, maybe allowing a friend to toss some food down to you, is a better option than fighting for your life. Sure, you’ll still be in the hole for a while longer, but you’ll be more capable of digging your way out when the time is right.

I’ve decided that I’m more interested in doing things right than doing things quickly. I concede defeat in this battle against my own mind, my worst enemy, but I will never surrender the war. It’s better to retreat and recruit more soldiers than to try and fight back with the few I have remaining. This is all a long-winded way to say that I’m accepting the results I receive in these classes and trying again next spring. I’ll take the fall semester off in order to give myself as much time as possible to get better, then I’ll jump in again with a fresh mind. There’s no point in rushing to make up those lost points when it (a) is a futile effort anyway, and (b) will only wear me out even further.

There’s a difference between giving up and taking a step back. I’m not dropping out, I’m only doing what I need to in order to get better, be a better person, the person I want to have been this whole time. Sometimes it’s better to know when to accept defeat, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

This isn’t at all related to the typical subject of this blog, but it was something I needed to say, an explanation I felt I owe to those around me. To those who got caught in the fireball of the crash, I apologize and thank you for bearing with me. I’ll be better soon. I’m already better than I was last week, and better then than the week before. I’m working on it.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back soon.

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